I knew…but I didn’t want to believe
I knew…but I didn’t want to believe it—Karrueche Tran
That’s what Chris Brown’s ex-girlfriend of 4 years( roughly 33,408 hours of her life) said after she was sitting in his condo and he said he had somewhere to go only for her to see him and Rihanna at a game on TV. She took him back…AGAIN & AGAIN until she was sitting at home looking on social media and the words “I’m a Father” came up and that’s how she found out he had a baby by someone else.
I can’t throw shade on this beautiful young lady because I too can say “I knew…but I didn’t want to believe it” and that is why I’m so committed to helping you save yourself some time if you are currently in a situation where on a deep level you KNOW…you KNOW my sister that this isn’t the best for you but because you love the idea of loving him more than the idea of waiting for new love you stay.
Here are 3 ways to know that you’re caught up in a “I knew…but I didn’t want to believe it”
(1)You ain’t too proud to beg. You are always pleading, convincing, searching for more reasons to get him to see that YOU are the ONE. In fact even your prayers are for God to get him to see that he should be with you. He doesn’t see it and consistently shows you he doesn’t see it but you…you aint too proud to beg.
(2)There’s always a reason but your heart isn’t one. There is always a reason he can’t commit right now. It’s work, his children, his Mother, his ex, his “fill in the blank” with anything other than the fact that it is hurting you to continue to sit in this uncertainty but that hasn’t made it to the top of his list of priorities. Your heart isn’t a priority to him and the hard truth is my sister your heart isn’t a priority to you.
(3)There’s shame in the truth. You don’t tell anyone what he REALLY said or how you REALLY feel because on some level the truth makes you feel shame. You feel shame because you are in conflict internally because you know that what you’re accepting and what you deserve are light years apart. You are accepting behavior from him that you know isn’t right.
Hear me when I say this my sister, I have been there and understand how painful it is to love someone who will not commit, repeatedly disrespects you, betrays you and still… you want him. I too spent 33,408 hours of my life in a toxic dance and it cost me having my own biological children, thousands of dollars in therapy, and refills of anti-depressants that made me feel like a walking mummy. I don’t want you to invest 33,000 hours of your life because you just don’t know how to leave what you know you need to leave. I don’t want you to pay the price of biological children, therapy to work on issues you have because you’re choosing to stay, and let’s not even talk about the tears.
It’s a toxic dance that moves to the beat of a heart that is in so much pain. Trust that better is available for you but you first have to end this toxic dance and that begins with you healing your heart so that the music of a wounded heart required for the toxic dance stops playing.
ps…Pass this on to a girlfriend who keeps going back. We all can Rewrite OUR Story but we have to try ONE-MORE-TIME!
pps…I’m cheering for you Karrueche Tran