I added over 100 lbs…and it hurts
I get a lot of emails asking me how do I stay motivated
I get a lot of emails asking me how do I stay fit
I get a lot of emails asking me how do I stay so consistent with my workouts
What I don’t get emails about is…how has it been to struggle with your weight lately?
For those of us who have struggled with weight..you already know the struggle is real and it doesn’t expire. If you’ve read my book you know that my struggle with my weight is over 30 years old and at one point I even got Weight Loss Surgery and had Lapband. What you may not know is that I had the band taken out(yeah that’s for those “she took the easy way out” people ..bye Felicia…).
What you also may not know is that while yes I workout consistently I DO NOT STAY MOTIVATED. Motivation is nice but let me tell you if I waited for it I’d be waiting some weeks for 7 days. I was exercising consistently when I was 246 lbs so the exercise part isn’t my struggle. My struggle is the FOOD.
I workout more for the way it makes me FEEL than the way it makes me look. Now I used to workout to try to exercise the 10,000 calories I consumed from bingeing(I’ll save that for another blog) but my point is my “relationship” with exercise has evolved and now it’s healthy. I do it motivated or not but anywho….that’s not really what I wanna talk about.
Lately I’ve been in a lot of physical pain…knees hurting and even buckling when I walk. I’m admittedly hard headed so I’m sure I waited longer than I needed to wait to see a doctor but…I finally took my hard head hat off. The verdict… I’ve been asked by my Orthopedic Surgeon to put my running shoes on the shelf. UGHHHHH! I LOVE to run because it helps manage my mood which is HUGE for me especially in this season, but like I said it was starting to hurt and now here’s the real talk I wanted to share. I’ve added over 100 lbs of IMPACT. You see for every pound you GAIN you add about 5 lbs of impact to your knees…yep do the math that means I’ve added over 20 lbs to my body over the last year.
My life is no different than yours in that I’ve been dealt some tough cards.
In this last year I had over 30 fibroid tumors removed from my body, lost over 2 liters of blood, became anemic but slowly recovered & returned to running at my lowest weight.YAY…or so I thought. A few short weeks later I lost a dear uncle and all I can say is I’m still working on recovering and it was at that point that I started having some glimpses of the “old obese Cledra”.
OOC(that’s old obese Cledra) uses food to cope.
OOC binges when the pain of life is really intense.
OOC wants to sit in more pity than GOD’s power.
And just when I was getting OOC back in place( I got into a great accountability group ) ….
fast forward a few more months and I got news that my Daddy…my Daddy who sat beside me as I recovered from that surgery to remove all those fibroid tumors just as he has been beside me my entire life when I needed him……..has passed away.
At first OOC wasn’t a threat but as more time has passed and as more of the reality of just what it means to live my life without my Daddy settles the resurrection of OOC has come on with fierce determination. What I know from YEARS of working in this weight space is that fat cells don’t go away they shrink. That’s the medical truth. Well now I’m gonna give you to “Cledra truth” of living this thing. Fat cells also raise hell(forgive my vocabulary…it aint all the way healed) when you don’t feed them & the FAT MINDSET declares war at times that make this a real battle.
If you have struggled with weight and I’m talking REALLY struggled. This is not for y’all with the vanity 20-30 lbs. I’m talking about those of us who have at one point gained so much weight folk you’ve known your whole life don’t even recognize you…heck YOU don’t even recognize you.
Ok anyway back to my point…with all these challenges and my time of playing with OOC my truth is I’ve gained weight. That’s my truth. In spite of CONSISTENTLY exercising, CONSISTENTLY posting my positivity on Facebook, and CONSISTENTLY going to church…I have gained weight. I say that because sometimes we can think doing SOME of the activities required will give us ALL we need…not true.
You see I made the mistake that I coach about…I didn’t reach out when OOC came back like a storm when my Daddy passed away. I let almost 5 months pass. Ok…Ok…I just sense you’re saying “Cledra give yourself a break” Giving myself a “break” is what got me to 246 lbs in a season when I let OOC come back because I couldn’t cope with the pain of losing my baby. We gotta stop thinking that coping with excess food & bingeing is a “break” or somehow a treat. Let’s call it what it is… It is less than GOD’s BEST for me and that reason alone means SHUT IT DOWN!
So how will I shut it down…AGAIN?
My solution isn’t a new diet or a new workout or even a new personal trainer. My problem is NOT physical it’s the internal weight that RESULTS in the physical. Know that anytime you get to the point where you can SEE the weight it means it’s the RESULT of weight you CANNOT SEE….weight like emotions you’ve struggled to handle without using food.
My solution is the exact thing I coach…get a coach who has mastered what I’m struggling with and LIVES a LIFE that I respect and so that’s what I did. I hired someone who has mastered emotional eating even through the devastating loss of her sister.
I believe in EVIDENCE BASED COACHING…show me don’t tell me you know what you’re talking about. I live it and I coach it.
My point? I fall too.
My point? I get up
My point? I have some sad reasons to curl up and quit too
My point? I get up
My point? A sad reason is still not reason enough to perform less than GOD’s BEST
My point? GET UP
My point? I didn’t forget that biscuits, pancakes, cinnabon rolls, and pizza had a lot of calories
My point? this isn’t a physical count calories battle
My point? dropping weigh you CANNOT SEE(the emotions) will result in dropping weight you CAN SEE
I have made up my mind who I want to be and that’s all I was created to be by GOD and that decision alone means that excess weight, fatigue, depression, anxiety, sadness ….those weights don’t stop me they pass through me. I am not willing to carry any weight that isn’t mine. Life has brought me to a season where there’s a gap in the demand and my skill set to meet the demand. I’ve never done life without both of my parents. We’ve been a tight threesome for 44 years. I’ve never had a birthday(which my 45th is August 28th) without hearing my Daddy tell me Happy Birthday the way only he can ….the tone of his voice, the joy in his voice, the way he wants to be the first to tell me Happy Birthday(he used to call me like at 4 am on my Birthday before I was married). I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that doesn’t H-U-R-T. I’m not gonna sit here and tell you it doesn’t make me wanna curl up with some hot pancakes(my Daddy used to make pancakes for me) and just feel sorry for myself.
All of those thoughts come to my mind and more but I’ve made up my mind…I want to BE all that GOD created me to BE and that includes accepting HIS will and while it hurts…I know my Daddy lived and died in GOD’s will.
That I know to be true and all the full stack pancake binges in the world will not change GOD’s will or bring my Daddy back…so ….I gotta finish this thing called my life. I gotta finish the race GOD has called me to run…in all seasons…even in this one. I gotta defeat OOC and not repeat giving her permission to return. I gotta SHUT IT DOWN or the truth is…it will shut me down. I’m convinced the enemy doesn’t care what I weigh but if he can steal, kill, and destroy my purpose by subtly trying to convince me that it’s ok to overeat I mean after all you lost your Daddy, it’s ok to gain weight because after all you lost your Daddy and all the other twisted messages that drop into my ear gate that tempt me to settle…I gotta shut’em down because I know what’s at stake. Truth is my Daddy is in paradise and I have every reason to thrive and not deep dive into food because of that fact. Truth sets us free.
What about you? Are you ready to walk completely in your truth for your complete freedom?
I hope this helps you.
I hope you see that coaches don’t outgrow the need for coaching & any coach who tries to paint the picture that she’s always together …RUN.
What I know is that we aren’t designed to do this journey alone and we can GROAN through it or GROW through it in the grace of GOD and I choose to grow up and learn what’s required to master the pain this season has ushered into my life.
Already down 6lbs and I can share this because I’m confident in these things:
2. The power GOD gives to conquer
3. a great coach
Now it’s your turn.
I’m doing a Finish What you Start webinar on August 11, 2015 at 8pm EST. Free registration(at least monetarily) but it will cost you self pity, wallowing, excuse making and baggage.
I’ll be there full and ready to pour.
Full because I KNOW the GOD who called me to do this will provide what I need to deliver.
Full because I am also doing my work…I have a coach pouring into me.
My mind is fixed & my commitment to living in truth is locked….I’m living in all I was created to BE..even now and I’m gonna take as many women with me who have a fixed mind as well.
Free registration at www.cledra.com/webinar
“see” ya soon!