Do we get married and BLOW UP?
” I could tell you were single because of the way you keep yourself up…….now don’t get married and blow up”
On one hand I was flattered and then on another I felt insulted. Was it true that we as women cared more about our appearance when we were in a season of wanting to be married & then when the season changed to marriage we stopped?
I could only start like I always do……. in the mirror.
For me in my 20s I was the Queen of Cardio, extreme dieting, and number chasing followed by not caring and eating whatever whenever and then repeating the cycle when I felt like I started looking the way I was eating. That unhealthy cycle is exactly what I took into my early 30s when I got married the first time.
I did my typical “countdown to the wedding extreme diet and exercise” program to get the WOWs about how thin I looked but that was followed by a 7 day cruise where I went right into my other habit of not caring whenever or whatever. First month of my first marriage I gained 10 lbs but because LIFE HAD BECOME MORE COMPLICATED my ability to just eat tuna for a week and hit the cardio had been changed. I had a husband, I was advancing in my career, I had new in-laws, and so my time was no longer…MY time.
Fast forward by the time my first marriage ended I had gained over 60 lbs in 7 years. The extreme diet and exercise all to chase a number to feel good about myself cycle didn’t produce SKILLS TO HANDLE LIFE.
So truthfully….I”m guilty as charged. I was a woman who BLEW UP when she got the ring but that was the first time and I learned some painful lessons that I wanna pass on to you as I try love, a ring, and looking amazing!
Strategies to have love, a ring, and still look amazing: (or at least that’s the plan)
- Chasing a number will always result in just that…a chase. It’s better to pursue purpose. Ask yourself what’s the PURPOSE of living a healthy lifestyle? It’s bigger than to see a number on a scale. Is it to have energy, feel confident, take pictures without cringing, have stamina to juggle kids/husband/job/volunteer work, mental clarity, free of taking pills……what is the REAL purpose?
As women taking care of ourselves is very different than taking care of the scale. Shift from how much weight you can lose to how much respect and love you can give first to yourself. We cannot give what we do not have. When you respect yourself you eat in a way that demonstrates that respect. When you have healthy love for yourself you exercise in a way that reflects that love.
Increase your SKILLpower and stop relying so much on WILLpower. Coping with life requires more skill than will. There will be some seasons where you just cannot “will” you way through. Seasons where you’re challenged by a life threatening diagnosis(maybe yours or someone you love), seasons where you’re challenged by family changes, seasons where you’re challenged at work or in your finances….the point is you will need SKILL more than sheer force of will to get through
Finally…….when your MOTIVE for “keeping yourself up” is grounded in living your best life every new day of your life and not because it’s summer or because you’re getting married or because it’s your high school reunion. When your motive is INTERNAL you’ll carry it with you at all times and it will not expire when the “event” expires.
So my answer to whether we as women keep ourselves up more when we’re single or when we’re married?
I can only answer for myself…..the first time I blew up but I’m grateful to try OMT(one more time) andnow that I know better I can do better. Now its about being fully present for my purpose and my BEST LIFE.
What about you?