3 steps to love….AGAIN
If you & love have never had any problems then you will not relate to anything I’m about to say, but if you’re like me and your journey to love has been filled with potholes, bumps, bruises and at times a knockout then read on!
The question I get the most(well maybe 2nd to how did you start running at 246 lbs) is… HOW did you handle this new online dating, textship, great time then get missing dating world we live in now & trust enough to get married…AGAIN?
There’s ALOT to navigating the dating scene over 40 but today I want to offer 3 steps to LOVE…AGAIN. For those of us who’ve experienced betrayal, heartache, a long wait for love, frustration, and more!
Step 1: To have love in your present you must give love to your past
When I made the decision to get a divorce (and I’m NOT an advocate of divorce…this decision was made after ALOT of prayer, hours of therapy, hundreds of books, and counsel from my previous Pastor) I was intentional about it being a LOVING experience. Even in the midst of a lot of pain I knew that if I wanted to ever love again then I had to only hold on to love from the experience of my first marriage. I worked on forgiveness(for myself and for my Wasband), I worked on releasing him from who I wanted him to be(this is a big one ladies…we wanna talk about what he did or didn’t do and that keeps us tied to him), and I worked on gratitude. I was intentional about looking for the lessons in this life experience and in doing all of those things I then could offer my past …LOVE. Until you can cover your past with love it will be very difficult to cover your present in love.
Step 2: Allow your heart to be cleansed
I see this all of the time. People get over someone old by getting under someone new. Yeah I said it. Moving on too quickly to numb the pain of your divorce or breakup is a HUGE MISTAKE. Honor your heart and give it TIME. Time to recover, time to heal, time to beat without the need to beat someone up over what happened to you.
Step 3: Release the unfair hostages & write a new story
I talk to women weekly who are STILL talking about how UNFAIR it was that “xyz” happened. The truth is it may have been unfair. The truth is you didn’t deserve to be betrayed. The truth is it wasn’t right. The truth is you DESRVE A NEW STORY! What happened may have been painful and unfair, but what would be tragic is for you to keep holding on to it for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. It would be tragic for you to hold yourself hostage to unfairness when you could choose a new story and decide that while it may be true that I was treated unfairly I will not treat myself unfairly and invest anymore of my life minutes into this dead end situation.
So there you have it……3 steps to love AGAIN!
Tell me what you think. Are these steps you’ll take? Why or why not?